8
year 8, letter 4, 10:37 pm
12 March 2017
its strange. for a long while it’s been really hard to remember what you look like. like a memory that just keeps fading and fading but today there was a brief moment where I felt that I remembered you exactly and could see you crying. and then laughing. then eating sunflower seeds at a softball game, playing catch, playing poker on your computer, then your back as you tried to sleep in, the top of your head from a piggy back ride. then the dent in your head, and the laundry room. it was short, but it was so vivid. i only thought that sort of thing happened in movies but it happened today.
it’s amazing how fast time passes, and it’s always hard to believe that it’s been another year. there’s something sad about it. aaron has now missed you for longer than he’s known you. and in the meantime, each passing year, so much has happened.
i graduated high school, and a week later, mom and mr. carl got married. two weeks after that, we moved everything to virginia. 2016 was certainly a year of goodbyes, and certainly a year of new beginnings. I started college. Barack Obama is no longer president of the united states. I had my first drink. I feel like I’m growing up a little bit, which is strange. growing up growing up growing up
and part of me is still the same and i think about what it means to have closure and if closure is even a real thing. I don’t think it is. I don’t want it to be. i love you dad. i miss you. there’s thoughts that hurt but thoughts of you don’t really hurt. i miss you.